no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
