I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
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What did I eat last night that was bloody?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
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You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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