Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
