we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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