Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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