Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
a search helicopter?!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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