i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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