what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
