There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
