yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
we should paint friendship bongs
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
