just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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