did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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