dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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