I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
