I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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