My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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