Don't make out with my wife yet
I just threw up on my dentist
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
