I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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