I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
