I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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