I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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