actually, I'm a sock model
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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