Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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