Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
