as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
