And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
