i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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