Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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