shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
did i walk over a car last night?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
