hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
