He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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