Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
