i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
