He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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