There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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