Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
