that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
