it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
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still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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