Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I need a beard to bite.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
