there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
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