i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
