It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He shit in the fireplace
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
