Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
