you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
