The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
