I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
