She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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