Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
