I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
