I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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