I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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