Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
