I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
