just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
