So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
