so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
