new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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