Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
another moral hangover. fuck.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I am naked and annoyed.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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