I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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