I met the friendliest cop last night
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So much Jack, so little girl.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
