If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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