i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
