Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
