I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
