Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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