i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
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I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
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Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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