Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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