she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
